Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Choice about Children

Ryan and I don't want kids.

Not now. Not ever.

There are many reasons behind this decision (and one that we did not arrive at lightly or without much thought and deliberation). There are a lot of things that we would not want to pass down to a child - family medical issues [i.e. fibromyalgia, depression, addiction, etc], the heartbreak of a fallen and sinful world, etc.

Our decision does NOT make us bad people or "less than".

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Just because we do not want children of our own does not mean that we do not like kids - we just like to be able to give them back to their parents :) We enjoy being a fun aunt and uncle (whether it is to our nieces and nephews or to our friends' children).



We do not judge you and your decision to have children, so please do not judge us on our decision to not have children.

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I can't tell you how many times we hear comments like "Oh, you have no idea, you don't have kids" or "You will probably change your mind in a year or so" or "But you would make great parents". And don't get me wrong, we know that most of the time that these type of statements do not come from a bad place with rude motives, but they still tend to sting - like we don't know what is best for our lives.

When I was looking for images this evening I came across an article from Huffington Post talking about some of the silly things people say when you tell them you aren't having kids. Also, apparently there was a recent issue of TIME Magazine where the cover story was talking about how some people want to 'have it all WITHOUT children' - and how that is OKAY [I didn't realize I needed permission...].

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Yes, I realize that it may sound selfish to live our lives only having to care for ourselves, but wouldn't it seem more selfish if we were having children just for us, because we "wanted" to, because they were there to fulfill us or take care of us when we got old.

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We all have our own path to walk. Feel free to walk along side of us throughout our journey, but please don't criticize what we decide (with the help of God's Word, wise counsel, and the Holy Spirit) to do with our lives.

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6 comments:

Megan said...

Well said Carlee. You know that we feel the same way, and every word you wrote resonated with me tremendously!

We Run Disney said...

One of my very best friends and her husband made this decision many years ago and have never regretted it. She has been so supportive of our only child (who is grown) and her feeling mirror your post in so many ways. People can be so intrusive and you have every right to live your life in whatever way works for you.

Danielle said...

My husband and I don't want children either and I agree, it's incredibly frustrating to have people tell us we'll change our minds, as if there is something wrong with how we feel right now - clearly we'll come to our senses!

I hate how people just assume you're planning on having kids and say things like, "when you have kids" or even worse ask when you're planning on having kids! I never quite know how to respond. Not to mention for all they know we've been trying to have kids for years and can't and it's not something I want to talk about!

Haha, ok well, enough venting on that topic! Yeah for nieces, nephews and dachshunds! : )

Show me Ashley said...

I just had a conversation with two other ladies without children ( me too) about this very subject tonight. You nailed it. Thank you!

Emily said...

This post resonates with me deeply, we don't want children either. It seems like from before we got married we were bombarded with questions of when we would start trying and you're right, it stings!
Congratulations for standing up for yourselves and loving the babies you can give back!

Shannon said...

I respect this so much more than people who do their kids the injustice of just having them out of obligation! People judge me for having a large family and we aren't even done yet. It's no one's business, continue to stand up for what you believe is right for your family!