So I hope you accept this sincere apology! I AM SORRY FOR THE SILENCE!
But, at the same time, please tell me I am NOT the ONLY one who tends to withdraw when the funky funk rolls in... Bueller, Bueller?! Okay, maybe it's just me on that one...
Lately I have been in a bit of a shweird funk and I can't seem to shake it. When I am "less than myself" the last thing I want to do is share with the world... I'd much rather cuddle with the pup, watch trashy TV and eat my feelings away. And there starts the downward cycle (or death spiral if you will)...
It seems as though lately the issue has been surrounding body image (but, let's be real, isn't that normally what it surrounds?). It's like I eat something "unhealthy" or a bit "too much" of something and I beat myself up about it. I tear myself down and tell myself that "that is why..." (that is why I don't have the body I want, why I am not fast, why [dot dot dot] you fill in the blank... my mind does it all the time anyway). Then I withdraw because A. who wants to be around a lame/ sad/ frustrated Carlee and B. my inner dialog tells me that because I am [blank] I am not worthy of love, not good enough to hang out with, etc etc etc. When I pull back I tend to make bad food choices and the cycle continues.
And, now, instead of apologizing for the silence, maybe I should be apologizing for the over-sharing... I mean, I know we all have our junk and sometimes it is nice to know that you aren't alone or that others share your current mood/ feelings, but I also don't want to be a Debby Downer. I realize people stop here to get a boost, a shot of happiness and positivity, so this is NOT the post for that... But, #RealTalk, man, it can be hard and tiring being happy (for others) all of the time!
Unfortunately for you, this blog is my little corner of the Interwebs to work through issues, and it's not always rainbows and butterflies... And you know what, I shouldn't have to apologize for that! It is life and I am real and I will not filter my feelings just because folks expect something else from me. #SorryNotSorry
So, although this isn't a happy-go-lucky post, I am hoping it strikes a cord with someone... Someone who needs to know they aren't fighting their battles on their own... We all have our own struggles, that's what makes us human! It's time we share our difficulties and stumbling blocks with those around us, have one another's backs and do this thing called life TOGETHER!
What demons are you battling lately?