Thursday, August 20, 2015

When Self Doubt Creeps In...

Man I hate it when self doubt creeps in... But, then again, maybe it is just reality making itself known...


This morning I had 7 "pace" miles on the calendar - meaning I needed to run 7 miles at my marathon goal pace (which is around 8:00/mile). I don't know why, but I was pretty intimidated by it... I originally decided I would run it on the treadmill because I thought maybe it would help me to keep the consistency (I mean, if your legs don't keep up, you fall and die, right?!). But as I was getting ready I knew I needed to force myself to go outside and pound the pavement (don't get me wrong, I love the treadmill, but at that moment I knew I was using it as a crutch because I didn't think I could run the miles on my own)... 

I knew I was letting fear and self doubt win the battle going on inside of my head... 

"What if I couldn't hit my goal pace?" "If I can't run 8:00 miles for 7 miles, how am I planning on running them for 26+ miles?" "I don't think I can do it" "Maybe I should just scrap my goal of attempting to qualify for Boston right now before I get my hopes up too high"
Please tell me I am not the only one who this happens to...

Anyway, I drove down to the beach and told myself all of those cliches you see on Pinterest - "If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done", "If your dreams don't scare you then they're not big enough", and "If you never try, you'll never know". Can't say they helped, but at least I was trying to focus on the positive. 
As always, my first mile was way too fast. I settled down around mile 2, but decided to take a different route for this 7-miler. I ended up going down the bike trail instead of around the harbor, which turned out to be a disaster for many reasons. First, it was a new route for this distance, so I wasn't 100% sure where to turn around, when to expect the difficult climbs, etc. Next, the bike path has mile markers on it, so although I try to avoid looking at my watch constantly, it was hard to ignore the distances on the ground (which seemed to make the run drag on). Also, I noticed my times were slowing down each mile I ran, which started really playing with my head - so much so that I needed to stop and regroup around mile 5 to try and shake the negativity out of my brain (GRRRRRRR - WHY WON'T IT JUST STOP SOMETIMES?!).

Don't get me wrong, I am still thankful for the SUCK-TASTIC runs! 

I ended up getting all 7 miles under my goal pace of 8:00/mile, but let me tell you - IT WAS ROUGH! I am sure the lack of a good night's sleep last night played into it (I woke up around 1:30am to go pee, couldn't get back to sleep until around 3am, and from 3 till about 6am was on the floor trying to get comfortable). Not only that but my legs felt like they were full of led and I was overall feeling a bit run down and beat up.

Splits from today's run

At least the scenery is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING :) [even with the hellacious humidity]

Although the numbers look decent, it felt less than great...

Let's just say I am happy that run is done and that tomorrow is a new day, but today was definitely NOT the confidence booster that I was hoping for...

Have you found any ways that work for you to shake the self doubt?

2 comments:

Reese said...

It looks like you had pretty views at least!
Self doubt gets me ALL THE TIME. Running with groups has really helped me push through it.

Tara @ A Daily Dose of Fit said...

This totally happened to me at the half marathon I ran last weekend. It was hot, would be hilly and I had a questionable knee. I was more worried about the hills than my knee, though. Ultimately, I rocked the hills even though my knee forced me to run/walk the last three miles. Still, I finished. And I didn't die like I thought I was going to.