Forgiveness

Forgive me, but I am going to stray off of the normal running/ training posts and dive into something a little more serious... And isn't it fitting that I asked for forgiveness to do this, since that's what this post is going to be all about?!

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Without getting too much into the back story (because that isn't what is important), I want to start by saying that something happened a few years back that rubbed me very wrong. Again, the specifics no longer matter.

Well, I got mad. I got angry. I got bitter. And I did NOT want to let it go. You see, I wanted that person to "pay" for what they did. I wanted them to feel the pain that they had inflicted on me and my family and I thought the best way to do that was to "show them" by making a point and holding on to the hurt.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know that Jesus teaches you need to forgive those who have wronged you (I mean, if He can forgive me for the multitude of sins I have committed {and will continue to commit}, then it is not only obvious that I should do the same for others, but I am commanded to do such), but I'd try and justify why my situation was different.

This pattern went on for a good two years (what can I say, I'm pretty good at holding grudges). I would say about a year ago I finally felt God pulling at my heart strings, telling me that I needed to let the situation go. (PS That is NOT to say He wasn't trying to get my attention earlier, but recently is when I started feeling half way open to the idea.) I flat out threw hissy-fits, pounding my fists on the ground yelling to God that "He doesn't know how much this person hurt us and doesn't deserve my love or respect" (okay, maybe it wasn't literal tantrums, but you get the point). And He would continually (lovingly of course) nudge and remind me that I wasn't called to forgive because someone deserves it.

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I know some of you have started rolling your eyes and are two seconds away from closing this post because I "got all religious", but let me urge you to keep reading. Because, no matter your faith, I believe forgiveness is something we all must learn to offer. You see, I thought I was "showing that person", but in fact the only person I was hurting was myself (and those around me because I would get into a nasty mood when the person was brought up). I love the quote below because it so precisely describes the situation of not forgiving.

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Anger, bitterness, resentment, it's not hurting the other person. You are giving them head space rent-free and YOU are the only one paying for it! I gave this situation THREE YEARS of my life. Three years that I will never get back! And all the while that person went on living their life (probably oblivious to the fact that I was stewing on it for so long)!

Now I am NOT saying forgiveness means that you are ignoring, forgetting or approving of their actions, that everything is instantly healed or that you need to welcome that person back into your life, but we need to move toward forgiveness. And not for them, FOR YOU! They may not deserve it, shoot, they may not even ask for it, but you deserve peace.

But hear me out, it will NOT be easy (or at least it never seems to be that way in my life). I would say it took me a good year of working on it to actually notice that I had let the situation go. It took a lot of work (praying for them, praying for God to soft my heart, praying for the situation), but I can't tell you how awesome it felt to realize a couple of weeks ago that the weight I had been dragging along with me for so long had finally been lifted off my shoulders.

Is there someone you need to forgive?