Sunday, November 2, 2008


I don't know what is going on with me. I mean I enjoy my job, but since I have started working there I have had so much anxiety all around. Maybe it is because it is a small company so my portion is much more important than any where I have worked before, maybe it is Satan trying to play mind games because I am doing a good job and wants me to doubt myself, I don't know. I really like the early hours of being able to get home 3ish hours before Ryan gets home so that I can still do chores (cooking, cleaning, groceries, etc) and have a little time for myself (running, showering, reading, etc). I am just super confused I guess. I mean I don't think I am going to start the whole job search process over again (or what I ever would want to), but in the back on my mind I don't want to stay here. I know this probably isn't making much sense. I will try and put my thoughts into better concrete ideas (if I can). I am currently working with a husband and wife team. They have sales reps that work with them, but they aren't actually employed by the company (since it is 100% commissioned base). This means that any customers that we have (from previous or current deals) are now my responsibility (meaning if people call with issues, need supplies, etc). Also, all of the new applications coming in I need to process and send in. It just seems like I have too much responsibility, especially for being there for only a month. I mean it is great that they trust me and have all the confidence in the world with me, but at the same time I guess I wish I was working with a larger team, someone else that might be able to shoulder some of the burden with me. I think a huge issue I am having is that it is so stressful for me to know that I am leaving things undone, leaving a list for myself of things I need to finish the next day (at all my other jobs I have been able to finish my job in AMPLE time and start with a fresh slate the next day). I know, I know, I should have known what I wanted before applying to every job under the sun - but I guess I didn't realize what I wanted (or didn't want) until now. I would love for some sort of non-profit to just contact me and offer me some sort of position (i.e. Walking on Water, Jedidiah, Invisible Children, etc) or find a job opening at North Coast (I am ALWAYS looking in the bulletin to see about anything that I might be able to do). I don't know where this post is going, or even where my thoughts are going, just to say I would really appreciate some prayer. If God wants me to stay at my current job, I would just ask for my anxiety about everything that I need to do there to be lightened (or taken away all together). If God would like me somewhere else, I would just ask for a job to present itself to me (I am not willing, at least not today, to go out for new interviews, etc). Thanks for reading my 'whining' (or at least that's what I would consider my venting I just did for the last 10 minutes).


Anonymous said...

Hey Car,
Venting is good but, you ought to think about sharing these thoughts with your employers. They may be totally unaware of your feelings and may be able to lessen the load on you. One way or the other you will be more in tune to their character and their concern for their employees. Hang in there!
Love and miss you alot!!!

Glenn said...

Casting your cares on the One who really cares helps a lot. That's when He posts a guard of peace around your life. But then you knew that. And just another thought - working at a church isn't always as stress free as we would like or imagine it to be.

Anonymous said...


Katrina said...

I hope this week is a better week for you. I will keep praying (and praying and praying and praying!!) that the demands of this job will sort themselves out for you. It's rough starting a new job, but trust in HIM that He sees the big picture and is working on your behalf! I always find so much comfort in that. Love, Katrina