Friday, July 13, 2007


Acts 17:26-28a

From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have being.

I read these words last night and felt comfort. I don't know how to explain this, but I will try. I don't 'feel' God. I have never really been able to pray for something and feel that God is leading me in one way or another. I have never heard God. I have often described my relationship with God as me chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught. It is probably that I have a perverted idea of what a relationship with God should look like, I dunno. I was asked in college, Even if you never 'feel' God, will you still follow Him? My answer is the same now as it was then. I have to. There is nothing else that I have found that is worth devoting my life to other than Him and His calling. Still, I find it hard seeing that we are taught as Christians it is about a relationship, and yet I can feel like I am giving and giving but getting nothing in return (not like physically getting something, but I don't even feel like there is a reciprocation of feelings... I know it is hard to explain unless you have been there). Last night before going to bed I picked up my Bible to read my chapter a day. I had been in Acts for the last couple weeks and wasn't really expecting to get much out of it (I know what you're thinking, maybe that's why I don't feel like I have a relationship because I go in defeated, but that was my honest emotions last night). I stopped after the first verse or so and prayed "God, please let me focus on you and nothing else" (I didn't want to be thinking about if I was going to quit running, or what I was missing on TV or any of that crap that pales in comparison). I hit verse 26 and was taken back. I felt like it was written for me. I felt like it was God saying, Carlee, this is why you are in San Diego. I am not saying that God wants me to not have friends or enjoy my work, but what I took away from it was that I am in SD for a reason. The reason may not be to further my career, but it is more likely to become more reliant on him. I must keep my chin up and PRESERVERE (said best by Uhrman a few minutes ago). I know this post was all over the board, but my head always has a few too many thoughts swirling around in it, so I figure if I get a few of them out things will be a little clearer.

What verse are you leaning on this week?

No comments: