Thursday, July 30, 2015

Believe In You

Those three words seem simple enough, yet they are so hard to put into practice, at least for me.


I mentioned the other day in my Treadmill Lovin' post, one of the reasons I have changed my tune about the treadmill lately is because it helps me run a consistent pace. The flip side of that is, I don't always trust myself to run a consistent pace while pounding the pavement.

This morning I had 6 pace miles (meaning 6 miles at my goal marathon pace, which is 8:00/mile) on the calendar. I could have TOTALLY run them on the treadmill, especially with this monsoonal mugginess that is in the air (YUCK), but I wanted to push myself and see if I could do it without the assistance of having my legs FORCED to keep that pace (the "nice" thing about setting the treadmill at a specific speed is your legs MUST stick with it or you will fall and die).

I have to be honest, I went in with sort of a defeated attitude to begin with. Instead of thinking "I freakin' got this", I went in thinking "I sure hope I can pull this off". Don't get me wrong, at least I wasn't thinking "I will never be able to do this", so there's that... Baby steps, right?!

But you wanna know what? I DID FREAKIN' DO IT! Not only did I stay under my 8:00/mile pace, I actually averaged 7:35/mile for the 6 miles. Let's be real... I wanted to stop after 2 miles, I thought I would never be able to keep the pace at 4 miles, but I finished with a HUGE SMILE (and burning eyes from the sweat pouring into them) after 6 miles.


And you want to know what else? I actually wore some of the shorts I normally wear UNDER my Sparkle Athletic skirts out in public for the run... AND THE WORLD DIDN'T END! I didn't even hear people snickering about my jiggling arms or my thighs rubbing together (although maybe they were just kind enough to wait until I was out of earshot). PS A BIG thanks to my girl Dani from Weight Off My Shoulders for the push to do it (she wore a bikini in public and the earth kept spinning).


But back to the blog title, why is it so hard for me to believe in myself? Is it a subconscious way of not letting myself down? Meaning if I don't believe I can do it in the first place, I won't be disappointed or upset if I don't. Have I internalized the negatives for far too long (whether they were from specific people in my life or society as a whole) that I can't go back and change? Is it a warped sense of humility?


Whatever the reason or reasons behind it, I want to give it up! I want to stop doubting myself and I want to BELIEVE IN ME! Obviously I can't do any of the things I do without the help of God, hard work and dedication, but I also think a little self confidence may help the cause a bit as well.

But honestly, any tips, tricks or magic spells on how to get me to ACTUALLY do it?! I'm ALL EARS!


Scarabocchio Girl said...

I'm the same too....I need to believe in myself, I need to say to me that I can handle things...I'm my worst enemy and my best friend.
When I've started thinking about running a half-marathon, I was super excited, then I've started to think that it was too much for me...but then I did it! (I'm thinking also about a marathon now, but one step at time) Mostly of the time I don't believe in myself, but I've to tell me that I'ma capable of incredible things! I should, I'll try...try it too. We are capable of marvelous things!

L.A. Runner said...

TRUTH about the thoughts on treadmill running. I have the exact same thoughts/approach. Self confidence is tricky. I think it's the biggest downfall I have throughout my training and racing. GREAT job on your marathon pace run.

Ange @ Cowgirl Runs said...

Friend, it took a divorce and the two most wonderful and patient friends on the planet (and a therapist) for me to stop being my own worst enemy. It's so ingrained in us that we're not good enough (I think, especially as women) that we just automatically think we aren't and it's so freaking difficult to change that mindset.
It started with one "I CAN do this" thought a day and as the days went on, it slowly started to get easier and easier.