Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Random Ramblings: My Goals

This blog is my little space of the interwebs where I can try and work through a myriad of thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. Just a word of warning: Today is one of "those" posts where the words just started spewing with no real rhyme or reason... And definitely no real conclusion. 


These past couple weeks have been ROUGH! I feel like every run has been a struggle and they make me question my goals. I mean, if I am having a hard time holding my marathon goal pace for 8 miles, how in the world do I expect to run it for 18 ADDITIONAL miles?! The distance isn't really what I am worried about (even though 26.2 miles is a BEAST no matter how well you have trained or how many times you have done it before), but my time goal is what has me struggling FREAKING OUT.

Maybe I shouldn't have put my ultimate goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon so loud and proud for the world to see... I wonder if it is unnecessary stress I put on myself, like not only will I be super bummed if I don't hit my goal because I have been putting so much time and effort into it, but I worry that I will disappoint all y'all as well (I know you are rooting for me {at least I hope you are if you are visiting my blog} and I want to bring home a metaphoric WIN for you as a way to thank you for believing in me!). And having to come back and report that I failed... Well, that is tough no matter how many friends, family or followers end up reading about it.


I know if I don't hit my goals it will NOT be the end of the world, but I think because I have put so much blood, sweat and tears into it that I will be rightfully bummed. Even if you aren't a runner, I'm sure you can understand the disappointment of coming up short on something you've been working hard towards.

Last week I had a rough treadmill run. It was an 8 mile pace run - meaning I needed to run 8 miles at my marathon goal pace (which is 8:00/mile). I ended up having to take two breaks (one around mile 5 and one around mile 6.5). That run legit broke me. I was so frustrated with myself, with my body, with my mind, with everything.


Runs like than make me want to throw my goals out the window. I was actually thinking about downgrading from the full to the half marathon distance at Revel Canyon City so that I didn't even have to think about facing the clock. But, then again, what good would that do me?!

Talk about #FirstWorldProblems. I mean, crying over the fact that I might not be able to hit a goal I SET FOR MYSELF still a month and a half away... COME ON CARLEE! Believe me, I realize how ridiculous I am being, but it still doesn't get me out of my funk any quicker or easier. At least I have the ability to be out there, pounding the pavement, right?!

And really... What's the worst that will happen if I don't hit my goal? I mean, legit... NOTHING! Sure, I will be disappointed and obviously I won't be able to go to the Boston Marathon in 2017, but other than that, my life will be the same. I am not a professional athlete, so it's not like my paycheck or livelihood relies on my performance. My family and friends will still love me just as much as they did before. So, really, why am I making this such a big deal?!

I wish I could snap my fingers and I wouldn't care, but then, that isn't really me. I am a list maker, a task crosser-off'er. I haven't been training this long and hard just to throw my hands up and say that it doesn't matter. IT DOES MATTER. But I need to remind myself that although it matters in the sense that I am working my butt off to see what I am able to accomplish when I put my mind and body towards a goal, it has very little importance in the grand scheme of things - so I need to keep it in perspective. If I hit my goal - AMAZING! If not - that's okay too (and that doesn't mean that I can't keep training and try again... and again... and again).

Thankfully this training cycle hasn't made me lose my love for running. Believe it or not, no matter how hard the runs get or bummed I am afterwards if I don't hit a specific pace during a workout, the smile never leaves my face when I am doing what I love. Running is something that makes me joyous and I hope I never lose that feeling!


Thanks for sticking it out, any of you who made it this far. I swear, sometimes Marathon Training feels more like MENTAL WARFARE than anything... #AmIRightOrAmIRight?!

Do you make your goals public of keep them to yourself?


Erica @ Erica Finds said...

One bad run does not a runner break. Just run smart, do your best and remember that running should be fun. End with a smile and keep your chin up. I believe in you!

Anonymous said...

I think we all forget time to time about the journey along the way. Sometimes stopping and reflection is required, not stopping but reevaluating how we are approaching the goal. Don't forget the pace you are at right now and what an inspiration you are to all of us :) and hey maybe add a fun dance class, sprint workout or boxing class to change it up for a day �� oh and hey I'll bet I'll see you on a run sometime, and if I do I'll make sure to give you a high five and say go kick BQ a$$.

Carleeh said...

Carlee, never ever could you disappoint us! First off, it's your run! Never forget that beautiful piece, it is no one else's, and surely no one will run it for you.
I definitely think you have gotten in your head with the timing, just let it go (sung in a full on Elsa way) maybe if you tell yourself today I am not gonna look at my watch, and a I am gonna run because I love it, I bet that pressure goes away. Qualifications always put stuff on our shoulders. I know that is so amazing to go to the Boston Marathon, but I swear before you called it qualification for Boston training, you were blowing through those runs. I know it is your own race pace you are trying to keep, but maybe pray before your runs and ask God to refresh your spirit, bring the freedom back to your runs, and allow the speed to come. I know one thing, I am a crappy runner. Oh my best day I still can't break into a 8 min mile even for one mile. Trust me when I say I understand FULL how it feels to hate when you have to stop and walk more than once. It does do something to us mentally, it feels like defeat. But we have to always remember every run is different and we don't understand what's going on inside our bodies! There is a good chance that you just need a good old rest day to pamper yourself and to change up the training. Or maybe go and do something you haven't done in a while that you love to do. Refresh that passion and SPARK! You are by far the most inspirational chick I know, and you wanna know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU, not because you do cool run pics, charity, or big huge smiles, but because of what you stand for. Be the change, sometimes that means not having a perfectionist mindset like others. Just run happy! I am so thankful you are real and transparent. That's one of the reasons I follow your journey. You always seem to find the good in the life, whether you are having an off day or not. That is special Carlee! We love you for who YOU are. You don't have to be anything or do anything. Now go on that next run knowing someone out there sees your runs and is inspired to keep pushing, even when every run feel like a bad run, because you inspire them and their passion for running. Xoxo Carleeh

Two Runners Travel said...

I think the pressure to qualify for Boston can put alot of undue stress on any recreational runner. As much as the training and nutrition play a huge role, so does race day. You don't know how you will feel and obviously the weather is totally out of your hands. My first marathon was a hot one and as part of the Goofy Challenge, I had not one time goal other than to hopefully break 5 hours. When you are racing the clock for a specific time goal, it can make the race alot more stressful. When I planned my race to try for a BQ, I was lucky enough to have a coach who found someone to run with me. Obviously, I had to get to the finish line and run the time myself, but having someone in charge of pace made it much easier for me to just keep moving and not watch my Garmin much. I remember only looking at it twice, once at the halfway point and then when there were less then 2 miles to go. I know you have a BQ in you Carlee, but just be patient and don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Scarabocchio Girl said...

I've registered for Valencia (Spain) half marathon in June, and it's only 14 days left now! And NOW I've told my mom about it. I haven't written anything on social networks, and maybe I'll write something but just the day before the race, because I didn't want to have pressure on me. But this is how I am and how my brain works. Everybody is different, so if you want to put a shout on social networks, do it :) don't worry about what people can think, it's just you. Measure with you. And then if you see that you can't handle it, just leave it away. It's not the end of the world or the end of Carlee. Things just happen. Be full of joy and be grateful for how far you've gone anyway! Best wishes from Italy!