Thursday, November 10, 2016

The Pain of Defeat

There are a lot of defeated feelings going around these days... but, before some of you tune me out and close the tab, please know that this is NOT a political post!

I posted a week ago about my knee being funk-i-fied. Well, I have taken the last week off of running. I did some yoga, took a few epsom salt baths, rode my bike, took a couple long walks to keep the body moving, ice-ice-baby, etc, but I wanted to avoid pounding the pavement until I knew my knee (or whatever the issue is) was feeling much better.


Since Ryan took a new job last week, we are currently between health insurance. I am normally not one to go to the doctors often (probably because I went to so many who seemed to have no idea how to fix my issues or offer a viable solution when they were trying to diagnose my fibromyalgia so to say my trust for the medical field is less than stellar would be an understatement), but not being able to run can make people do some crazy things, #AmIRight?!


And although I am not a medical professional (nor do I play one on TV), I am about 95% sure that the issue with my knee is not actually my knee at all. I think the source of the drama is my hip, but... let's start at the beginning.

About a week and a half or so before the St. George Marathon I did my final speed workout at the track. I ran some Yasso 800s and when I got home my hip/ legs felt a little more tired and fatigued than normal. To try and help with my recovery, I decided to lay with my legs up on the wall to drain them a bit. Well, that's when I noticed it... My legs did not seem the same length. Like, legit, it was so noticeable that the hubby pointed it out - I'd say a good inch or so different.

In my crazy head I thought to myself, "Maybe it's because I was running the same .25 mile oval for the last hour, so one leg is more compressed due to the way I was turning". Okay, I realize that is probably a silly thought (and the more logical one would be that my alignment was off), but with my goal race less than a couple of weeks away I didn't want to risk trying to fix something only to have it backfire or to find out that I shouldn't be running in the first place (not to mention, phantom pains during taper time are totally a real thing, so maybe the issues were all in my head...).

My race went great (in case you didn't know, I ran away with my first BQ time), and although the hip was funky, I met my goal so didn't really care. I wouldn't say that it hurt any more or any less during the race - there was something noticeably off, but it wasn't so much a pain that I needed to stop because of. Then, afterwards, I took some time off to try and let my body recover from my training cycle, so the hip/ leg issue took a back seat.

Well, that is until my knee started acting up. It felt like I had tweaked it, like there was a tendon or ligament that runs along the inside of my right knee that felt tight and, at times, pinched. Seeing as my next major race wasn't for a while I backed off the gas. I met my MAJOR goal, so at this point I just want to be pain-free and grow old with running.

Today was my first day attempting to run again. I had my knee wrapped with KT Tape, I took it at a comfortable pace, I tried to be overly cautious and attentive to any cues my body was sending me. Let's just say it did not go how I was expecting hoping. I ended up getting in 2.75 miles of running and about a half mile of walking. I wouldn't say that I was in pain, but I could tell my body was not 100%. With #RnRLV this weekend (we leave tomorrow morning to head to Vegas and I'll be 'running' the 5K on Saturday and Half on Sunday), I didn't want to push my luck.

It's sort of like my body is betraying me... I thought I had been doing so well with my foam rolling, stretching, taking rest days, listening to my body, taking epsom salt baths, etc, but maybe I hadn't... Or maybe it's not my body betraying me, but me betraying my body... Maybe the hints had been there all along and I had been too focused or deaf to hear them.


And, now, health insurance-less, I will have to either fork out a billion dollars to find some legitimate help, take more time off while attempting to get the R.I.C.E. regimen working, or experiment with self diagnosis and treatment. Whatever route I go, I want to make sure I am listening to my body and setting myself up for the most future success as possible.

It's a bummer because I was really hoping to shoot for a sub-3:30 marathon at the Phoenix Marathon in February, but now I don't think I will have a full training cycle to make that happen... not to mention, with this 'break' I will be starting back at square one (since the base I had with St. George has all but disappeared now). But as much of a bummer as it may be, running on an injury and causing permanent damage is not worth any goal (at least in my opinion).


Accepting defeat in any form is a difficult pill to swallow - especially since we are told from day one that "we are winners" and "we can do anything we put our minds to" - but I know that a setback is just a comeback in disguise!


So, onwards and upwards! At this point, I can't continue to play the could-a, would-a, should-a game, so it's time to close the door on the pity party for one and march forward into the light with my head held high!

What's the worst running injury you've had to deal with?


Sarah S. said...

Hi Love! So sorry your knee is feeling crappy. I had a stress fracture 2 years ago that left me missing out on major races with no running for 4 months and 7 weeks on crutches. UGH! Have you tried doing hip-strengthening exercises? I had a knee issue this summer and my PT helped me with some quad/hamstring/hip strengthening. Good luck at RnRLV this weekend! :-)

Marissa said...

Good for you for taking it slow! That's SO hard when you're used to exercising on a regular basis, but it's so much better in the long run.

Obsessed by Portia said...

I run a few times a week and have done 2 half marathons, but I have yet to get hurt. I'm so sorry - I hope you heal fast and get back to doing what you love. Inspiring, my friend! xoxo

Unknown said...

Great post! My knee has been locking when it bends for years but so explanation can be found, light yoga helps me. Hope you feel better soon and your knee heels so you can get back to what you enjoy!


Unknown said...

Hey Babe! I just wanted to say keep your chin up! You are so strong and I'm proud of you for keeping a positive attitude. I broke my wrist last weekend hiking so I'm definitely knowing how you're feeling. Pray your injury heals fast!

Keep smiling!
Molly |

Joti said...

I have knee issues as well, and I also don't think it actually stems from my knee! There is so much more going on with our muscles than we realize. Taking it easy can be SO hard when you are active!!!

Ariel said...

Girl, I am so sorry your knee is hurting. When your body isn't a 100% it feeds into other parts of our lives. Have you tried a chiropractor or myofascial massage? Don't let the "massage" fool you, it hurts like a mother, but I always feel so much better after. I was in a bad car accident and like you essentially lived at various doctor's offices while I tried to get better. None of them could figure out what was wrong and it turned into me being an "attention seeker" rather than them admitting they dont have all the answers. Anyway, chiro and myofascial have helped me immensely. It is insane how connected everything is. It could be your hip, or a vertebrae out. You just never know. I hope you figure it out and feel better soon!

xo, Ariel

Unknown said...

Aww girl, hope you feel better soon and hope your knee heals fast!! Take it slow for sure and listen to your body! Biggest hugs!


Unknown said...

Hope you heal soon and get to do what you love!

Helen xx

Unknown said...

Ugh I completely know this. It's so frustrating, because running is such a great way to exercise and burn energy, but every time I get committed to it, I get some form of injury in my leg somewhere. I hope you feel better!