Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Negative Thoughts

As you probably know by now (since I have a hard time keeping quiet about exciting news), I will be running the SoCal Ragnar Relay Race with #TeamSparkle. And OMG I just looked at a calendar and it is only two and a half weeks away! CUE THE FREAK OUT!

I am part on an AMAZING team with some pretty FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC women (if you missed my post to "Meet The Team", check it out here)! There are 6 of us who will be tackling the 182 miles between Huntington Beach and San Diego. We are running to raise awareness and funds for Rett Syndrome (if you missed my post about "The Cause", check it out here). BTW, if this cause has your name on it, please consider donating on our team fundraising page:

The other 5 ladies on the team are BEYOND WONDERFUL! I mean, as human beings they are all ABSOLUTELY AWESOME, but ON TOP OF THAT, as runners, they are BEASTS! They are Boston Qualifiers, they are speed demons, they are ultra runners, they are triathletes, they are IronMan finishers, they are athletes... and well, then there's me...

And that is how I started today's run. I was mad at myself, I was sad, I was defeated AND THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT OUTSIDE! I am the slowest one on the team and I just kept thinking "I am going to let these ladies down." {I even decided to wear my Phoenix Marathon tank top for my run although I normally don't wear my race shirts, but I knew I would need the extra mojo in my corner today. Oh yeah, and I had to match my Pro Compression Low Trainers to my shoes ;) }

I let my frustration/ pity party push me a bit. My splits weren't too bad when I looked at them.

And you know what?! I was still ticked off... Sure, I was running a bit more of a hilly area, but I normally can run a tempo run faster than that. My 5 mile PR is over 2 minutes faster than today's run.  And I thought I was supposed to be getting faster... GRRRRRRRRRR (PS These are the negative thoughts running through my head during my run. Don't worry, I didn't actually growl out loud, although I may have shed a tear or two behind my sunnies.)

But I NEED to remind myself I AM STILL A NEW RUNNER! I ran my first half marathon 2.5 years ago. I am still getting into this whole running thang. A year ago I was training for my first full marathon and would have NEVER IMAGINED I would be running miles that start with a 7, let alone training for my fourth full marathon! I need to give myself a break, I need to find some confidence and I need to know that as long as I give my all I will NOT be letting my team (or myself) down.

Man, sure is easier said than done (or believed), right?!

Any tips on where I can buy some confidence? 


Bari said...

Your teammates will love you! When you figure out the confidence thing, please share. My negative thoughts ruined my run today. 6 miles turned into 4 with full on tears on the TM. So yah, I get it. I'd also be thrilled to see a 7 on a run. Or even an 8 more than once in a blue moon.

Anonymous said...

You are going to rock that race, don't worry about comparing yourself to others we are all at a different place in our running journeys. (and you are way speedier than I am right now if that makes you feel any better!)

EB said...

You will have a blast, don't stress! Ragnars are all about having fun with your team and you will do great. They invited you because they believe in you! :)

This is Carrie said...

Carlee!!! Don't stress! We believe in you and are so excited to have you on the team (and you're definitely not the slowest). You're a rockstar!

Angie said...

You are doing awesome! I would kill for splits like that. I have to use the positive thinking during the run to push away the negative. I tell myself I am strong, I am good, and I can do it. I may not be the fastest runner out there, but I am doing it and so are you! Your teammates believe in you, and now it is your turn! You will rock that race!

Juliana said...

i love this post! I know it is so hard to stop the negative talk but it so important to keep your cool! You are really rocking it and such an inspiration to people (including me!). We all have bad days and it has been pretty warm in So Cal lately too!