Wednesday, March 16, 2016

We Are Far From Perfect!

I wanted to take a quick second to depart from the standard running posts and address a trend I've started seeing in some of the comments I've received on my social media accounts lately. They come across as something like this...

          "You guys seem like a great couple."
          "Love the love you two have for one another"
          "You guys are perfect!"

Well, I hope this isn't earth shattering news, but WE ARE FAR FROM PERFECT! Sure, my first thought when I see comments like that is to think "It's easy when you are married to your best friend", quickly followed by "If by 'easy' you mean a CRAP-TON of work, then YES, this whole marriage thing is quite easy!", but I've gotta keep it real...

Marriage (and relationships in general) are TOUGH! They take blood, sweat and tears. Although being married to your best friend gives you a leg up, it doesn't mean things are always rainbows and butterflies. In fact, I think the hardest thing for most of us to get through our thick noggins is when you get married your life is no longer "your" life... it's "y'alls" life!

I tend to find real life examples the most helpful when trying to explain a point, so hopefully this scene from last weekend helps explain what I'm trying to say a little more clearly.

Sunday morning was the San Diego Half Marathon. Even though it was daylight savings time the night before and we lost an hour of sleep, Ryan not only played my number one cheerleader, professional race photographer and wiener dog wrangler, he did it all with a smile (okay, maybe getting out of bed was rough, but once he fully woke up he was great ;))!

Once we got home, Ryan asked me if I wanted to go with him while he did a little bouldering at one of the nearby parks. #RealTalk: The last thing I wanted to do after not sleeping well the night before and then running a half marathon was sit out in the sun and watch the hubby climb on rocks, but if he was willing to roll out of bed before the butt crack of dawn to cheer me on, I will be out there to support him whether I'd rather be vegging out on the porch with the pup or not. 

But, like I said, your life is no longer YOURS once you bind yourself together with someone else. (And please do not hear that as a negative thing. I understand we all have an innate selfish quality and putting others before ourselves is not what we normally want to do, but because of the love we have for one another we are willing to do it.) 


There is NO perfect marriage...
Just two imperfect people unwilling to give up on one another
(and in my opinion, with Christ at the center of the relationship it makes things a smidgen easier, although still not effortless or perfect)

I am BEYOND BLESSED to be married to my best friend, to someone who loves me despite all of my flaws, to one of the kindest and most caring men I know, and to someone who makes me laugh every day of my life! 


But just because I am blessed does NOT mean I can rest on my laurels and continue to reap the benefits... We have to continually put the time and effort into our relationship! It's sort of like your fitness level. Say you get in shape - you can't just say that you're in shape and stop, because once you stop, your fitness level will begin to decline... I'm not saying it'll happen overnight, but slowly and definitely surely, if you stop putting in the effort you will stop reaping the rewards!

{Here's where I get up on my soapbox with my two cents} Put in the time and effort, NO MATTER WHAT! Do it even if you don't "feel" like it - I promise if you do the work your feelings will follow... eventually... The saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life" is soooo true! If you're marriage is thriving there's nothing that can stop you; make the time and give it all you've got! 

So, while we may not have a perfect marriage, we strive to put one another's wants/ needs/ desires ahead of our own because when the other person is happy, your heart SMILES! 

What's the best piece of relationship advice you've ever received?


Megan Johnston said...

This is everything I needed. :) <3

Roni said...

Cute, and real :) love it.

Abby said...

Love the real talk.

Pam said...

so true & real Carlee. what we put in is what we take out in all areas of our life especially our marriage. It's never 50/50 sometimes it's 90/10. you have to be willing to sacrifice, listen, communicate & know when to say sorry. it's important to make time for one another especially when you have kids. I/we've learned, in almost 20 years, of our relationship how to dance in our tears. there's been a lot of them. many ups and downs. sometimes you have take turns being the 'glue' to your relationship. we always say "don't get too busy making a living that you forget to make a life." it all goes by too fast. <3, Pam

Ivie Hasegawa said...

It's like your fitness levels...that's a great analogy!

hellyfast said...

Love. I love reading/hearing about happy, strong marriages. Too often people complain about their spouses or about marriage in general. Yes, it's hard. But if you're in it for the long run, ;) , it's oh so worth it.

hellyfast said...

Love. I love reading/hearing about happy, strong marriages. Too often people complain about their spouses or about marriage in general. Yes, it's hard. But if you're in it for the long run, ;) , it's oh so worth it.

Erica @ Erica Finds said...

Great post! I think some friends think marriage will complete them and solve all of their problems. Marriage is hard work - lots of give and take. I think my best marriage advice is "no one is perfect not even me." It is easy to pick and see flaws in your spouse. I try to remember what I love about my husband every day.

Melissa Running It said...

Love this!! We're going on 22 years together (yikes!) and definitely don't feel old enough to have women asking me what "my secret" is to a happy marriage. I have no secret, it's the grace of God, I tell ya!!

- A couple I know has set the goal to try and out serve one another each day. Impossible, but a great perspective!

- Best advice for Christians: marriage was made to make you holy, not happy.

Jodi Stuber said...

Great post. Always good to be reminded that happy and healthy marriages don't just happen. Love is just the start. Have a great day Carlee!

Samantha @ believeandrun said...

I love how real you are about this. It is so good to hear. I am still single (which I am okay with) however I am hoping to one day be in a happy relationship. Sometimes I hope to know that it will be romantic and fall in love right away, however I know how unrealistic it is. I hope to marry my best friend one day!